Top Secret UFO Projects: Declassified (08.27.21)

“I want to believe,” read the iconic poster that hung in Special Agents Mulder and Scully’s office for more than two hundred episodes of the iconic series The X-Files. It’s a phrase that perfectly sums up how I feel about the concept of extraterrestrial UFOs: I would love for someone to convince me that these things have visited earth because it’s a fascinating, paradigm-shifting idea. But do I believe in little green men from outer space? Not really, as pesky details and logic have a tendency to get in the way. I simply want to believe. This is the mindset I adopt whenever I consume UFO related media: I want you to convince me that there are aliens and I want you to entertain me. Top Secret UFO Projects: Declassified, a new (and awkwardly titled) Netflix documentary fails spectacularly with the former thanks to constant illogical leaps, misinterpretations of facts, and a complete lack of skepticism. All of this, plus the lack of new material and unimpressive visuals, leads it to fail on the latter as well.

One of the biggest problems that this and other similar documentaries suffer from is the assumption that if a UFO is real it must mean it is alien in nature. When discussing a press release from Project Blue Book, a legitimate attempt by the US government to investigate the UFO phenomena from the early fifties to the late sixties, Declassified claims through various “UFO experts” that it was “the first official admission that extra terrestrial craft of superior speed and maneuverability had been observed in earth’s atmosphere.” I’m sorry, what? The government states that it doesn’t know what a few flying objects are and suddenly that’s an admission that aliens have visited us? It later says that because the government initially claimed that it didn’t know what crashed at Roswell (you know, that super famous UFO case) before changing course and saying it was a weather balloon means that a coverup was happening. Or maybe, you know, they were just reacting to new information as it arose? These people clearly want to believe as much as I do; the problem is that they are willing to make leaps and absurd interpretations to get there. A little skepticism goes a long way when trying to prove why that very same skepticism is misplaced, but Declassified just claims that all of these outlandish things happened and hopes you don’t think about it harder than they did.

It ultimately felt like Top Secret UFO Projects: Declassified was insulting the audience’s intelligence, and that kept me from enjoying it. This frustration threw into relief other issues that the documentary has, namely poor visuals (particularly the CGI), uninspired music, and a lack of anything new to say. This is just like any other schlocky UFO documentary you have seen a billion times on the History Channel at two thirty in the morning as you try to fall asleep.

Shouting at me to believe is not going to make me believe, documentary. Try harder next time.

Top Secret UFO Projects: Declassified is now available on Netflix.



This review was first published in The Keizertimes on August 27th, 2021. Visit at http://keizertimes.com/

McCartney 3, 2, 1 (08.20.21)

I’ve always been an older soul when it comes to music, mostly preferring bands that haven’t put out a new record in decades and that were comprised of legendary figures, many of which are, sadly, no longer with us. As Eddie Van Halen tragically reminded us this last year, these legends are only on the earth for as brief a time as any of us “normal” people, so we darn well better appreciate them while they’re here. Perhaps this is what was going through the mind of Rick Rubin when he sat down with the Walrus himself in McCartney 3, 2, 1, a fascinating and intimate documentary/miniseries that is destined to become a must-watch for fans of The Beatles here, there, and everywhere.        

            One thing that immediately impressed me was how enthusiastic and lively Sir Paul was, even after decades and decades of similar Beatle-related interviews. Gracious and personable, he never once seemed annoyed at being asked a question or resentful of his universal fame, discussing each song and experience as if it were the first time the subjects had been broached. He and Rubin, himself an iconic figure in music but from behind the scenes, have a rapport that makes for a very relaxing and intimate watching experience that is enhanced by minimalistic stage design and a complete lack of any other players (next time, Ringo). Whenever I watch a documentary like this I ask myself, “Could this have been a podcast?” The answer here is no, as the visuals go a long way setting the mood the creators wanted to convey. If there is one word I would use to describe McCartney 3, 2, 1 it would be “comfortable”; it is very much like having your grandfather regale you of tales of the good old days if your grandfather happened to be one of the most famous musicians of all time.              

            That’s not where the similarities to grandparent-story-time stop, however: Some bits of McCartney 3, 2, 1 are more interesting than the others, and the casual discussion format means that there is very little linearity in the story telling. One second the two are discussing the lives of each member of the Fab Four pre-fame, the next they are talking about Sgt. Pepper (1967) before going back to Revolver (1966). At first this bothered me a bit, but then I accepted that this is a perfectly reasonable tactic that enhances the feeling of this being a natural one-on-one instead of a mere verbal biography of Paul McCartney. Could McCartney 3, 2, 1 have been cut down from six hours to two like many of your grandfather’s monologues? Sure. Was it sometimes a wee bit difficult to follow these two musicians when they delved into the intricacies of certain pieces? Yes, as I am far from an expert when it comes to these things, and these are world-class virtuosos we’re talking about here. Would I have had them cut any of this? Hell no.  

            If you are a fan of The Beatles or music in general, you gotta check this out.  

            McCartney 3, 2, 1 is now available on Hulu.  

 

This review was first published in The Keizertimes on August 20th, 2021. Visit at http://keizertimes.com/ 

 

The Tomorrow War (07.30.21)

 

I was actually pretty excited to finally sit down and watch The Tomorrow War for two reasons: One, it is a big budget sci-fi movie starring Hollywood’s fourth favorite Chris (the Pratt one), and two, it was originally set to release in the theaters before the pandemic hit and therefore had a pretty decent chance of breaking the subpar-action-movie-made-exclusively-for-a-streaming-service streak that I am currently stuck in. I wasn’t expecting art, of course, just a stupid good time watching Andy Dwyer shoot up some aliens. But it turns out there was a pretty good reason that Paramount sold the movie to Amazon Prime: It’s, well, not great. Well-acted and occasionally pretty cool to look at, The Tomorrow War is also shoddily written, clichéd, and about thirty minutes too long.  

            For a sci-fi action movie, the acting is actually pretty decent and goes a long way in elevating what otherwise might have been straight crap to acceptably watchable levels. Chris Pratt, Yvonne Strahovski, J.K. Simmons, and Betty Gilpin all do the best that they can with the middling script, earning their paychecks well by making silly lines sound natural and plausible (I was not a fan of the comic relief character, but I don’t want to single him out by name… wasn’t his fault his lines were dumb). The CGI is also respectable, if not great-- I was, for some reason, occasionally (and keenly) reminded that I was watching actors fight things that weren’t really there. Maybe it was the chaotic alien design, maybe it was the lighting… I don’t know. All I know is that I was forced to un-suspend my belief once or twice.  

            This is, in fact, a big problem the movie has as a whole. As I said, the script is far from the best and the plot requires characters to do stupid things left and right just so it can keep moving forward (or backwards. Stupid time travel). Plot holes are plentiful and gaping, even more so than in other films of this genre, and there are so many convenient and contrived coincidences that I wanted to laugh out loud at several points. Need a volcano expert? Well, what about that random student from earlier in the movie who randomly loves volcanoes? Need a plane to Russia? Wait… your dad is a pilot, isn’t he? And he just happens to have a disdain for the government? Oh cool, that’s a lucky break! Come on, movie… I am only one man, and I only have so much belief that I can suspend.  

            And when The Tomorrow War isn’t giving the middle finger to logic it wallows in cliché, from an unnecessary amount of slow motion shots (I swear this movie could have been ten minutes shorter if the director kept the camera rolling at a normal speed) to tired character archetypes (the gruff and distant dad, the black best friend/comic relief, the suicidal hardass army guy). None of it feels terribly original from start to finish, and certain plot points and even lines can be accurately guessed long in advance. If you read a basic outline of the very beginning of the film you can probably guess everything that happens.  

            Is The Tomorrow War terrible? Not really, despite all of the things I’ve griped on. It’s just far from good, which is a darn shame. The streak will have to be broken another time.  

            Time. Get it?  

            The Tomorrow War is now available on Amazon Prime.    

 

 

This review was first published in The Keizertimes on July 30th 2021. Visit at http://keizertimes.com/