Resident Evil

 

I don’t generally like heights or the feeling of dropping, but when the Tower of Terror at Disneyland was reimagined as a Guardians of the Galaxy ride I made myself go on it a few times because I am a fan of the characters. Similarly, I do not really enjoy scary movies but I really like the Resident Evil video games, so what am I going to do, miss out on the first film adaptation of the series to break 40% on Rotten Tomatoes just because it might make me pee my pants a little? Well, I saw it, I survived, and I’m proud to say that there was no pee (although things were touch-and-go a few times).

When it comes to video game film adaptations, different fans want different things and it is impossible to please everyone. Some demand slavish 1:1 devotion to the source material, and some would prefer original stories that may or may not fit into the larger narrative but always at least capture the essence and vibe of the original. Zach Cregger, director of Barbarian and the smash-hit that was Weapons, goes the latter route with Resident Evil, and the result is something fresh while being simultaneously familiar for fans of the franchise. Whether it’s an offhand mention of the Umbrella Corporation or a potted green herb in the background, Resident Evil feels like Resident Evil without being bogged down with what came before.

The first half of Resident Evil is genuinely terrifying, but things are regularly seasoned with well-timed laughs as well (like many other horror directors, Zach Cregger got his start in comedy), which serves to bust up the tension whenever necessary. Main character Bryan (played exceptionally well by Austin Abrams) reacts to scary situations exactly like most real-life stoner doofuses would in his situation, and the results are often just as funny as they are horrifying. The second half of the film is less scary and feels kind of haunted house-ish—a scary monster around one corner that shows off the imagination of the filmmakers, an escape, another monster around another corner, an escape, etc. These moments are cool but get progressively less scary as the film goes on, but luckily the film ends at a crisp ninety minutes and doesn’t overstay its welcome despite the diminishing returns. You can also draw a direct correlation between how many characters are on the screen and how scary the film is… the more alone Bryan is, the scarier thing are; the higher number of zombies he’s being chased by or survivors he’s interacting with… not as scary. And that’s coming from a big baby. The second half isn’t weak; it’s just not quite as strong.

Resident Evil is lean, mean, awesome, and makes me want to boot up one of the games and shoot some giant eyeballs that are in places that eyeballs simply shouldn’t be. Turns out the missing ingredient to a good Resident Evil movie was a director who is not only a fan of the series but also someone who knows what they’re doing. Go figure.

Resident Evil is now playing in theaters.

Coyote vs. Acme

 

I wasn't entirely happy with this review and didn't want to rewrite it, so I decided to shelve it. This was a good decision; for Coyote vs. Acme it was not. Go see it if you need a laugh. Or don't. I don't care. 

Spider-Man: Brand New Day

 

If there’s one thing that writers at Marvel Comics hate it’s a happy Spider-Man. The guy might catch thieves just like flies but he is really bad at catching breaks, and some fans even argue that the more miserable he is the better his stories are. I am not one of these people, because though Spider-Man: Brand New Day sees Peter Parker at his lowest it does not see him at his best, as the film he finds himself in is a bit overlong and has definite some writing issues, despite being pretty good overall.

In Brand New Day Spider-Man finds himself alone in a world that has forgotten him (well, Peter Parker, anyway... it's complicated) thanks to the events of the last film, and because of this he gets some new powers that are explained through lines of dialogue that remind viewers just how silly and dumb comic and their adaptations can be. The dialogue in Brand New Day ranges from cheese such as this to emotionally sincere yet basic, but it is still not the most noticeable flaw in the writing. The biggest casualty of the script is the primary villain of the film who does things that are not only entirely out of character but also inconsistent within the narrative itself, comic inspiration be damned. We are asked to empathize with this villain despite the fact that they go out of their way to do some truly reprehensible things for no apparent reason, things that are completely divorced from their ultimate (and noble) goal.

This villain (whose identity is a spoiler, hence me being vague) does offer interesting parallels to Peter Parker's story, as do Hulk and Punisher, whose presence I appreciated. Peter's struggles are compelling and make for some good drama, and the action is exciting and filmed excellently. At just under two-and a half hours Brand New Day does feel a bit on the long side, however. I don't know what they could have cut, but they definitely could have shaved something off to make the experience leaner and easier on my nine-year-old nephew's bladder. Spider-Man: Brand New Day is ultimately my least favorite of the Tom Holland-lead Spider-Man films, but I still had a great time.

Spider-Man: Brand New Day is now playing in theaters.

The Odyssey

 

I'm not sure if I should start this review with a joke about excessively long road trips, Homer Simpson being an ancient Greek storyteller, or the startling coincidence that the events of a tale called The Odyssey just happened to be experienced by a guy named Odysseus, so let's just skip all of that nonsense and dive in, shall we?

You have probably heard by now that Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey is good, and this is a general opinion that I can now confirm. It is appropriately huge in its scope, harkening back to an era of sword-and-sandal epics that existed in Hollywood's Golden Age, and Nolan's decision to use actual locations, real boats, and SAG-AFTRA Cyclopes pays off handsomely, to say nothing of the IMAX film that it was all captured on. Christopher Nolan likes things big, a preference that served him well when dealing with nuclear explosions in Oppenheimer and is even better suited for majestic Mediterranean sailing and god-induced misadventures.

I was initially skeptical of how a good film could come from Homer's poem, not because of a lack of quality (there's a reason it is taught at high schools everywhere) but because of its episodic nature. Odysseus and his crew go to an island, something bad is on that island, Odysseus comes up with a strategy to escape, some of them do so, repeat a whole bunch of times until he finally makes it home and kills a bunch of horny freeloaders. All respect to Homer, but the story doesn't exactly adhere to the typical exposition-rising action-climax-etc. Plot progression that we are used to in the twenty-first century, and thus the pacing of the poem, at first glance seems much more suited to, say, a miniseries rather than a film. I needn't have worried, as Christopher Nolan effortlessly adapts the story into a more modern-feeling tale that shortens and streamlines some scenes, greatly expands upon others, and makes every event serve the overall narrative and flesh out the themes that are presented. The Odyssey should have been a film with lackadaisical and frustrating pacing, but by some miracle it is not.

At just shy of three hours, The Odyssey is a lot of movie. I watched it feeling a bit sleepy, and about halfway through my seven o'clock showing (it wasn't even late, what's wrong with me?) words started to float in one ear and out the other unless I made an effort to really focus, which I was not always able to do. I will have to watch it again to really absorb all of the well-written lines and thoughtful themes, because everything I did fully register points to a triumph of filmmaking. Many of the performances are career-bests, the soundtrack, while not always pleasant in a vacuum, enhances the dread, wonder, and heartbreak, and the directing is some of Nolan's best. The Odyssey truly is a wonder to behold. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to bed.

The Odyssey is now playing in theaters.

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu

 It's been a while! I've been rehearsing for a play that opens this month so I haven't had much time to review things. Here's one for The Mandalorian and Grogu, though. 

Not every Star Wars story needs to have a planet-destroying superweapon or a wrinkly old Sith lord threatening the entire galaxy. There are only so many times stakes can be ridiculously high before things get stale and the returns do that whole diminishing thing. Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu does not have high stakes; it doesn’t feel like it has any stakes at all, in fact, which in and of itself is a problem.

The titular duo often have their lives threatened and the impending doom of mission failure often makes itself felt, but there is no clear endgame in The Mandalorian and Grogu. The film makes you care about things as they happen, but those things get wrapped up nice and tight pretty quickly after they are introduced. The result is a lot of “okay... so now what?” moments as the film goes from problem to problem with no discernible through- line. Not only did this rob me of some emotional investment, but it also created some awful pacing that made the film feel over by the end of hour one and pushing interminable by the end of hour two. For being Star Wars’s triumphant return to the cinema for the first time since 2019 it sure feels like The Mandalorian and Grogu is three episodes of the Disney+ show in a trenchcoat.

But the things that are enjoyable in The Mandalorian are no less enjoyable in The Mandalorian and Grogu, to its credit. Mando has a few cool fight scenes full of gadget trickery and general badassery, and that Grogu kid is as adorable as always. The Mandalorian and Grogu doesn’t exactly move their story forward, but it also doesn’t require any prior knowledge of the TV show, which is nice in this era of combined-universe homework assignments. And Sigourney Weaver in an X-Wing? I underestimated how much I needed that.

The clear standout of The Mandalorian and Grogu is the music. The TV show always had a rad soundtrack courtesy of Ludwig Goransson, who not only won two Emmys for his Mandalorian work but also Oscars for Black Panther, Oppenheimer, and Sinners, but here he takes it to a whole new level. It’s kind of weird at times (I am pretty sure this is the first Star Wars work to feature synth-heavy beats in a few of its songs), but it not only works but also shows that composers don’t have to copy John Williams’s homework anytime a project in the galaxy far, far away comes along.

 So yeah, The Mandalorian and Grogu isn’t all bad. There are, unfortunately, much worse Star Wars movies out there. But unless you are a diehard Mando/Baby Yoda fan I would recommend waiting to watch this on Disney+ where it belongs.

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu is now playing in theaters.

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie

 

I am a big fan of Mario and his buddies, so I was able to enjoy The Super Mario Bros. Movie quite a bit despite its many, many flaws. It was colorful, it was pretty, and it was a thrill to see some of Nintendo's biggest characters realized in a way that didn’t include a drunk Bob Hoskins and goombas that looked like horrible nightmare lizard men. But mama mia was there room for improvement. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie actually manages to do a few things quite a bit better than the last movie; it also, unfortunately, does a few other things much worse. 

For one thing, the character work in Galaxy ranges from cursory to nonexistent. Mario’s trusty pal/occasional steed Yoshi shows up and is technically present, Princess Rosalina makes her debut and has a line or two, and Mario himself somehow manages to be mostly superfluous in his own movie. Bowser is the only character with anything resembling an arc, and even that is shallow and left mostly unexplored. The story, meanwhile, is only slightly more interesting than what you would find in a Mario video game, i.e. Bowser kidnaps a princess and Mario gets her back (or not, depending on how good at games you are). 

So, what does Galaxy do better? It doesn't have nearly as many eye-rolly jokes, for one, which the last movie (and Illumination films in general) had in abundance. Sure, there are only a few jokes in Galaxy that work, but at least there are even fewer that don’t (I still don’t understand why these films insist on having three or four awful slow motion “character makes-a-stupid-face gags, though). Galaxy also doesn't have any obnoxious pop song needle-drops, wisely choosing to exclusively use excellent arrangements of excellent pre-existing Mario songs instead (just remembering that The Super Mario Bros. Movie had “Holding Out For A Hero” and “Thunderstruck” sandwiched between Brian Tyler’s lovingly crafted compositions makes me want to cringe right out of existence). 

The animation in The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is gorgeous, and the worlds presented are imaginative and vibrant. The film was clearly made with a whole lot of love for the I.P.—it is chock-full of fun Easter eggs that fans will appreciate, but it’s a shame that the film’s biggest surprise was spoiled by the advertisements (if you know, you know). Kids and fans will like it, parents will be able to stand it, and everyone else can rest easy if they never end up seeing it. Maybe the third time will end up truly being the charm? 

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is now playing in theaters.  

Project Hail Mary

 

Hard science fiction, AKA actually sciency science fiction, seems like a rarity these days. For every The Martian there are ten books/movies that just happen to take place in space and/or the future with very little actual science-based conjecture, making the label inaccurate. Project Hail Mary the book, like The Martian, is one of those rare works that not only attempts to make things as scientifically plausible as possible but also takes the time to show its work to the reader. Project Hail Mary the film loses some of the latter in its journey to the silver screen, but it triumphantly adapts everything else perfectly and is all the more powerful for its plausibility.

Project Hail Mary, like The Martian (both by Andy Weir, in case you were wondering why I keep bringing it up) is notable not only for its science but also for its humor and heart. Ryan Gosling plays Ryland Grace, our main character, and thank goodness he does, because I can think of very few other working actors today who could bring not only the charm required for the role but also the dramatic ability and charisma. I don’t think there’s a single scene in the film that doesn’t have Gosling in it, and the weight he carries as a result is staggering.

Directing his efforts are the team of Phil Lord and Chris Miller, a duo whose previous collaborations include the Spider-Verse films and The LEGO Movie. Like the choice of Gosling, the selection of these two couldn’t be any more perfect for the story in question as they nail every moment, from the lighthearted to the existentially tragic. There is some heavy stuff in Project Hail Mary; themes of isolation, impending doom, self-sacrifice… and Gosling, Lord, and Miller make you feel all of them.

Some of the hard science that is present in the book is left out, which I believe is a necessary sacrifice when adapting the story to film. As much as I enjoyed Grace explaining every little calculation, theory, and discovery in the novel there is no doubt that the pacing of the film would have suffered if all of that had been included. But when the actual science does come through, it gives the proceedings a realism that enhances the experience, because deep down you know that some of this could happen. And that is as terrifying as it is wonderful and exciting.

Project Hail Mary is a singular movie-going experience. Back when I did theater in high school we had a pre-play ritual that involved saying “make them laugh, make them cry, make them fall in love.”  Project Hail Mary will make you do all three, guaranteed.

Project Hail Mary is now playing in theaters.