Coyote vs. Acme

 

I wasn't entirely happy with this review and didn't want to rewrite it, so I decided to shelve it. This was a good decision; for Coyote vs. Acme it was not. Go see it if you need a laugh. Or don't. I don't care. 

Spider-Man: Brand New Day

 

If there’s one thing that writers at Marvel Comics hate it’s a happy Spider-Man. The guy might catch thieves just like flies but he is really bad at catching breaks, and some fans even argue that the more miserable he is the better his stories are. I am not one of these people, because though Spider-Man: Brand New Day sees Peter Parker at his lowest it does not see him at his best, as the film he finds himself in is a bit overlong and has definite some writing issues, despite being pretty good overall.

In Brand New Day Spider-Man finds himself alone in a world that has forgotten him (well, Peter Parker, anyway... it's complicated) thanks to the events of the last film, and because of this he gets some new powers that are explained through lines of dialogue that remind viewers just how silly and dumb comic and their adaptations can be. The dialogue in Brand New Day ranges from cheese such as this to emotionally sincere yet basic, but it is still not the most noticeable flaw in the writing. The biggest casualty of the script is the primary villain of the film who does things that are not only entirely out of character but also inconsistent within the narrative itself, comic inspiration be damned. We are asked to empathize with this villain despite the fact that they go out of their way to do some truly reprehensible things for no apparent reason, things that are completely divorced from their ultimate (and noble) goal.

This villain (whose identity is a spoiler, hence me being vague) does offer interesting parallels to Peter Parker's story, as do Hulk and Punisher, whose presence I appreciated. Peter's struggles are compelling and make for some good drama, and the action is exciting and filmed excellently. At just under two-and a half hours Brand New Day does feel a bit on the long side, however. I don't know what they could have cut, but they definitely could have shaved something off to make the experience leaner and easier on my nine-year-old nephew's bladder. Spider-Man: Brand New Day is ultimately my least favorite of the Tom Holland-lead Spider-Man films, but I still had a great time.

Spider-Man: Brand New Day is now playing in theaters.

The Odyssey

 

I'm not sure if I should start this review with a joke about excessively long road trips, Homer Simpson being an ancient Greek storyteller, or the startling coincidence that the events of a tale called The Odyssey just happened to be experienced by a guy named Odysseus, so let's just skip all of that nonsense and dive in, shall we?

You have probably heard by now that Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey is good, and this is a general opinion that I can now confirm. It is appropriately huge in its scope, harkening back to an era of sword-and-sandal epics that existed in Hollywood's Golden Age, and Nolan's decision to use actual locations, real boats, and SAG-AFTRA Cyclopes pays off handsomely, to say nothing of the IMAX film that it was all captured on. Christopher Nolan likes things big, a preference that served him well when dealing with nuclear explosions in Oppenheimer and is even better suited for majestic Mediterranean sailing and god-induced misadventures.

I was initially skeptical of how a good film could come from Homer's poem, not because of a lack of quality (there's a reason it is taught at high schools everywhere) but because of its episodic nature. Odysseus and his crew go to an island, something bad is on that island, Odysseus comes up with a strategy to escape, some of them do so, repeat a whole bunch of times until he finally makes it home and kills a bunch of horny freeloaders. All respect to Homer, but the story doesn't exactly adhere to the typical exposition-rising action-climax-etc. Plot progression that we are used to in the twenty-first century, and thus the pacing of the poem, at first glance seems much more suited to, say, a miniseries rather than a film. I needn't have worried, as Christopher Nolan effortlessly adapts the story into a more modern-feeling tale that shortens and streamlines some scenes, greatly expands upon others, and makes every event serve the overall narrative and flesh out the themes that are presented. The Odyssey should have been a film with lackadaisical and frustrating pacing, but by some miracle it is not.

At just shy of three hours, The Odyssey is a lot of movie. I watched it feeling a bit sleepy, and about halfway through my seven o'clock showing (it wasn't even late, what's wrong with me?) words started to float in one ear and out the other unless I made an effort to really focus, which I was not always able to do. I will have to watch it again to really absorb all of the well-written lines and thoughtful themes, because everything I did fully register points to a triumph of filmmaking. Many of the performances are career-bests, the soundtrack, while not always pleasant in a vacuum, enhances the dread, wonder, and heartbreak, and the directing is some of Nolan's best. The Odyssey truly is a wonder to behold. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to bed.

The Odyssey is now playing in theaters.

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu

 It's been a while! I've been rehearsing for a play that opens this month so I haven't had much time to review things. Here's one for The Mandalorian and Grogu, though. 

Not every Star Wars story needs to have a planet-destroying superweapon or a wrinkly old Sith lord threatening the entire galaxy. There are only so many times stakes can be ridiculously high before things get stale and the returns do that whole diminishing thing. Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu does not have high stakes; it doesn’t feel like it has any stakes at all, in fact, which in and of itself is a problem.

The titular duo often have their lives threatened and the impending doom of mission failure often makes itself felt, but there is no clear endgame in The Mandalorian and Grogu. The film makes you care about things as they happen, but those things get wrapped up nice and tight pretty quickly after they are introduced. The result is a lot of “okay... so now what?” moments as the film goes from problem to problem with no discernible through- line. Not only did this rob me of some emotional investment, but it also created some awful pacing that made the film feel over by the end of hour one and pushing interminable by the end of hour two. For being Star Wars’s triumphant return to the cinema for the first time since 2019 it sure feels like The Mandalorian and Grogu is three episodes of the Disney+ show in a trenchcoat.

But the things that are enjoyable in The Mandalorian are no less enjoyable in The Mandalorian and Grogu, to its credit. Mando has a few cool fight scenes full of gadget trickery and general badassery, and that Grogu kid is as adorable as always. The Mandalorian and Grogu doesn’t exactly move their story forward, but it also doesn’t require any prior knowledge of the TV show, which is nice in this era of combined-universe homework assignments. And Sigourney Weaver in an X-Wing? I underestimated how much I needed that.

The clear standout of The Mandalorian and Grogu is the music. The TV show always had a rad soundtrack courtesy of Ludwig Goransson, who not only won two Emmys for his Mandalorian work but also Oscars for Black Panther, Oppenheimer, and Sinners, but here he takes it to a whole new level. It’s kind of weird at times (I am pretty sure this is the first Star Wars work to feature synth-heavy beats in a few of its songs), but it not only works but also shows that composers don’t have to copy John Williams’s homework anytime a project in the galaxy far, far away comes along.

 So yeah, The Mandalorian and Grogu isn’t all bad. There are, unfortunately, much worse Star Wars movies out there. But unless you are a diehard Mando/Baby Yoda fan I would recommend waiting to watch this on Disney+ where it belongs.

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu is now playing in theaters.

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie

 

I am a big fan of Mario and his buddies, so I was able to enjoy The Super Mario Bros. Movie quite a bit despite its many, many flaws. It was colorful, it was pretty, and it was a thrill to see some of Nintendo's biggest characters realized in a way that didn’t include a drunk Bob Hoskins and goombas that looked like horrible nightmare lizard men. But mama mia was there room for improvement. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie actually manages to do a few things quite a bit better than the last movie; it also, unfortunately, does a few other things much worse. 

For one thing, the character work in Galaxy ranges from cursory to nonexistent. Mario’s trusty pal/occasional steed Yoshi shows up and is technically present, Princess Rosalina makes her debut and has a line or two, and Mario himself somehow manages to be mostly superfluous in his own movie. Bowser is the only character with anything resembling an arc, and even that is shallow and left mostly unexplored. The story, meanwhile, is only slightly more interesting than what you would find in a Mario video game, i.e. Bowser kidnaps a princess and Mario gets her back (or not, depending on how good at games you are). 

So, what does Galaxy do better? It doesn't have nearly as many eye-rolly jokes, for one, which the last movie (and Illumination films in general) had in abundance. Sure, there are only a few jokes in Galaxy that work, but at least there are even fewer that don’t (I still don’t understand why these films insist on having three or four awful slow motion “character makes-a-stupid-face gags, though). Galaxy also doesn't have any obnoxious pop song needle-drops, wisely choosing to exclusively use excellent arrangements of excellent pre-existing Mario songs instead (just remembering that The Super Mario Bros. Movie had “Holding Out For A Hero” and “Thunderstruck” sandwiched between Brian Tyler’s lovingly crafted compositions makes me want to cringe right out of existence). 

The animation in The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is gorgeous, and the worlds presented are imaginative and vibrant. The film was clearly made with a whole lot of love for the I.P.—it is chock-full of fun Easter eggs that fans will appreciate, but it’s a shame that the film’s biggest surprise was spoiled by the advertisements (if you know, you know). Kids and fans will like it, parents will be able to stand it, and everyone else can rest easy if they never end up seeing it. Maybe the third time will end up truly being the charm? 

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is now playing in theaters.  

Project Hail Mary

 

Hard science fiction, AKA actually sciency science fiction, seems like a rarity these days. For every The Martian there are ten books/movies that just happen to take place in space and/or the future with very little actual science-based conjecture, making the label inaccurate. Project Hail Mary the book, like The Martian, is one of those rare works that not only attempts to make things as scientifically plausible as possible but also takes the time to show its work to the reader. Project Hail Mary the film loses some of the latter in its journey to the silver screen, but it triumphantly adapts everything else perfectly and is all the more powerful for its plausibility.

Project Hail Mary, like The Martian (both by Andy Weir, in case you were wondering why I keep bringing it up) is notable not only for its science but also for its humor and heart. Ryan Gosling plays Ryland Grace, our main character, and thank goodness he does, because I can think of very few other working actors today who could bring not only the charm required for the role but also the dramatic ability and charisma. I don’t think there’s a single scene in the film that doesn’t have Gosling in it, and the weight he carries as a result is staggering.

Directing his efforts are the team of Phil Lord and Chris Miller, a duo whose previous collaborations include the Spider-Verse films and The LEGO Movie. Like the choice of Gosling, the selection of these two couldn’t be any more perfect for the story in question as they nail every moment, from the lighthearted to the existentially tragic. There is some heavy stuff in Project Hail Mary; themes of isolation, impending doom, self-sacrifice… and Gosling, Lord, and Miller make you feel all of them.

Some of the hard science that is present in the book is left out, which I believe is a necessary sacrifice when adapting the story to film. As much as I enjoyed Grace explaining every little calculation, theory, and discovery in the novel there is no doubt that the pacing of the film would have suffered if all of that had been included. But when the actual science does come through, it gives the proceedings a realism that enhances the experience, because deep down you know that some of this could happen. And that is as terrifying as it is wonderful and exciting.

Project Hail Mary is a singular movie-going experience. Back when I did theater in high school we had a pre-play ritual that involved saying “make them laugh, make them cry, make them fall in love.”  Project Hail Mary will make you do all three, guaranteed.

Project Hail Mary is now playing in theaters. 

Scream 7

 

If Ghostface ever rang me up and asked me what my favorite scary movie was my options would be very, very limited (although the answer would be Alien). I’m kind of a coward when it comes to horror, but over the last few months I discovered that the Scream movies are not actually all that scary as I slowly fell in love with them. I’m far from the first person to make this comparison, but many of the films play out less like actual horror and more like violent Scooby-Doo episodes or modern-day whodunits with a cheeky attitude. After catching up on the first six over a period of a few months, Scream 7 is the first one that I have actually caught in the theaters. It is also the first one that I didn’t like.

After (rightfully) sitting the last one out because she was offered less money than she’s worth, Neve Campbell is back for this round and making the appropriate amount of bank as Sidney Prescott, the perpetually stabbed survivor of far more Ghostface attacks than are probably healthy. And thank goodness she is, because she and Courteney Cox as Gale Weathers are definitely the best part of Scream 7, a film that doesn’t feature any other interesting  characters. As a slasher series, Scream has always had to constantly introduce new faces for the sole purpose of rounding out the body count, but previous films at least saw to it that we knew at least a tiny bit about some of these people before they were offed. In Scream 7 I simply did not care for anyone not named Sidney or Gale, and that includes the Meeks-Martin siblings (played by Jasmin Savoy Brown and Mason Gooding), veterans from the previous two films that I like but were given absolutely nothing to do in this one. As for the customary third-act bad guy reveal, all I can say is that it is by far the worst, most asinine, and least impactful one yet, and it’s not even close.

Scream 7 was directed and written by Kevin Williamson, and it’s ironic that I found his directing much more competent than his script, as he also wrote the screenplays for the original Scream, Scream 2, and Scream 4, all of which I enjoyed quite a bit. There are some pretty creative deaths in 7, and a couple of shots of Ghostface will stick in my mind for a while. But not only does the screenplay not allow for any interesting characters, it also doesn’t feature any of the sharp wit or dark sense of humor that its predecessors had in  varying degrees. Not even the meta commentary that Scream is famous for feels right here; Scream 7 doesn’t have anything new or interesting to say at all, not about the horror genre and not about anything else. It really is a testament to the general high quality of the other five sequels (even 3, which I like more than most people) that it has taken this long for the series to burn itself out.

It is high time that Sidney was given the rest that she deserves and this series was put on hold, but that’s not going to happen any time soon as 7 has had the best opening week of any Scream film to date. It’s a shame that such a mediocre entry has that distinction, and I guess the best we can hope for is that the next one won’t suck as much.

Scream 7 is now playing in theaters.

Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind (2004) Mini Review

 

To be a 10/10 in my eyes, a film needs three things-- it needs to elicit an emotional response, keep my attention and interest from start to finish, and I shouldn't be able to find anything to complain about. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is, to me, a 10/10 movie. The story is painful, touching, and ultimately sweet. I am, admittedly, a sucker for unconventional story structure, and it doesn’t get more unconventional than this (a lot of the film takes place in the realm of memories/dreams and goes backwards from scene to scene Memento-style for a bit, among other oddities). It’s one of those films that demands your entire attention lest one become confused, and though it happened to me a couple of times everything became clear at the end and the experience was all the richer for jt. The acting in Eternal Sunshine is superb—it’s one of those “serious Jim Carrey movies” that shows off the comedian’s dramatic chops, and the fact that Kate Winslet singles her performance in this film out as her favorite shows that she has impeccable taste. As for complaints, well, I initially thought that the small storyline of Elijah Woods's characters was unneeded, but when I really thought about it I saw that it enhanced the main narrative in a subtle way and wasn’t superfluous after all. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is, in my eyes, one of those few movies that reaches perfection even as the characters constantly fail at it. Highly recommended.

GOAT

 

In 1997, the documentary Air Bud broke the shocking story of a dog who had learned how to play basketball. The loophole that allowed the golden retriever to help the Timberwolves triumph in the championships was closed as soon as the series stopped being lucrative, and Buddy “Air Bud” Mankowitz was forced into an early retirement just as he was hitting his stride. But you can’t keep a good boy down, and eventually Buddy spread knowledge of basketball to the rest of the animal kingdom, and thus “roar ball” was born. That’s how I choose to believe the backstory of GOAT goes, anyway. It’s a kids’ movie about animals playing basketball, and that’s all the backstory you really need to know.

Calling the animal version of basketball “roar ball” is dumb. Naming the trophy that the champions win “The Claw” is also dumb. These two phrases are indicative of the general uninspired nature of GOAT—the plot is predictable and the messages of believing in oneself and working as a team are pedestrian and basic. But this doesn't make it a bad film; it just makes it a safe one.

Created by the same team that did the Spider-Verse films and K-Pop Demon Hunters, GOAT is very much in the same style and is just as visually stunning as those movies. The exaggerated action on the basketball court reminded me of Space Jam, and in some ways GOAT is just that for a new generation. Well, no, that’s not a fair comparison, because really GOAT is far superior. For one, its stunt casting of a basketball legend works much better, as Steph Curry shows more aptitude for acting than Michael Jordan ever did, and the character in question is not the focus of the film. It lies instead on Will, a goat (surprise!) with hoop dreams who is voiced by Caleb McLaughlin of Stranger Things fame and Jett, a panther/fading star with something still left to prove voiced by Gabrielle Union. These are just two of many familiar character archetypes found in GOAT, and they don't really get any more creative than that.

GOAT tells its basic story with its basic characters well, though. What the story lacks in originality it makes up for in heart, and my nephew said that if he had his way, he'd put this movie above Zootopia 2 in his own personal ranking (why he wouldn't have it his way I have no idea… the mind of a nine-year-old is a mystery to me). Sometimes a kids’ movie doesn’t need to be super complicated; sometimes it just needs to do its job well, and GOAT does its job just fine.

GOAT is now playing in theaters. 

 

Stranger Things Season 5

 

Few shows have reached the zeitgeisty level that Stranger Things did in its heyday. Ten years ago the Christmas lights/alphabet combo was everywhere and Eggo's were surging in popularity. A few years after that and Kate Bush's 1985 hit “Running Up That Hill” was suddenly charting again, much to the surprise of Bush herself. Sure, hype for the series has ebbed and flowed over the years-- it’s kind of inevitable when you spread five seasons across ten years—but overall the Duffer Brothers' throwback horror series has become iconic. But all good things must end, and season 5 resolves everything satisfactorily, if not perfectly.  

Stranger Things has always had to juggle a lot of characters, and nowhere is this balancing act more apparent and strained as it is in the final season. Jonathan (Charlie Heaton) and Mike (Finn Wolfhard) are the biggest casualties of writer neglect this time around, but Mike at least gets a lot of focus in the second half of the very last episode while Jonathan’s only interesting scene involves a relationship that I haven’t cared about for a good long while. Everyone else has a nice moment or two that serve to remind viewers of why they love these characters even when things get crazy, although once again the most engaging relationship is the one between Dustin and Steve (Gaten Matarazzo and Joe Keery), although the maturing romance between Max and Lucas (Sadie Sink and Caleb McLaughlin) is definitely a contender, though Will (Noah Schnapp) has the most interesting journey overall.  

With all these well-developed characters, the Duffer Brothers really lucked out when it came to casting the inaugural season. Who would have guessed that these kids would grow up to be acting powerhouses that could handle the challenging material written for them a decade later? This eye for talent has clearly not faded, if the performance of newcomer Nell Fisher as Holly (a background character up until now) is anything to go by, not to mention the absolutely chilling work by Jamie Campbell Bower (who was also in the last season) as one of the big bads.  

Despite the strong performances and writing, Stranger Things season 5 isn’t quite as good as its previous seasons because somewhere along the line it lost the spooky small-town charm that made the series so memorable in the first place. This evolution into a more action-oriented “let’s team up and save the world” kind of a plot might have been inevitable as characters become more competent and more aware of what’s going on, and naturally the battle with the denizens of the Upside-Down had to come to an explosive head eventually. But often I wished that the show would dial it down a bit, particularly in the ludicrous final battle that feels more like a superhero movie than anything else. And speaking of the final battle, what a disappointment the main bad guy turned out to be after years and years of build up. Not only is it laughably easy to defeat, but if you want the full backstory of Vecna and the Mind Flayer you have to apparently see Stranger Things: The First Shadow... a play on Broadway.  

And while we’re talking about finales, there is no doubt that season 5 plays it super safe as if the Duffers are trying to upset the fewest people possible rather than writing something truly inspired. As Max says, “Comfort and happiness? Can you be more trite?”  However, happily-ever-afters and/or noble sacrifices are always appreciated. 

As big and unwieldy as this show has become it is frankly a miracle that the Duffer Brothers and everyone involved were able to land the plane as successfully as they did. Not everyone will be happy with how things turn out... how could that possibly happen when people are so attached to this show and its characters? All I can say is that for me it was a good end to a great journey.  

Stranger Things season 5 is now streaming on Netflix.  

My Top 10 Films of 2025

 

I thought about skipping this list this year, as I did not watch nearly as many new releases as I have in years past and still have lots of 2025 films that remain on my to-watch list. I have only watched 16 as of this moment, in fact, so being in the top 10 is only kind of a compliment for some of these. On the flipside, I have only seen one 2025 film that I have truly disliked, and even that I can’t hate because my nephews and other enthusiasts love it (Minecraft). I also realize that a lot of these picks are basic white boy selections... 3 comic book movies, 2 Predator movies, and not a single one from an indie studio, up-and-comer, or fancy film festival. Oh well. These are the movies I enjoyed most from 2025 (so far):

 

(Note: number 5 is the only one I haven’t already written a review for, so it is the only one that I am including justification for. If you want to see what I liked about the other 9, well... read the reviews)

 

10. Predator: Killer of Killers

9. The Fantastic Four: First Steps

8. Thunderbolts*

7. Predator: Badlands

6. Superman

5. The Phoenician Scheme

Before this I had only ever seen Asteroid City out of all of Wes Anderson’s many films (along with the Roald Dahl shorts), and this was by far the better movie. Asteroid City felt listless—a plot with too many inconsequential side characters, no clear narrative, and inscrutable fantasy moments that felt pretentious without true meaning. The Phoenician Scheme, on the other hand, stuck to one story and three primary protagonists, the plethora of famous faces that usually make up Anderson’s ensemble casts all came and went as needed, always serving the plot, and the fantastical moments were easy to digest and appreciate. The Phoenician Scheme is quirky, pretty, and wonderfully acted and directed, which should be no surprise to anyone who likes Wes Anderson. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel or anything... even just two movies in I can tell that Anderson has a formula that is tried, true, and omnipresent. But unlike Asteroid City this one has me wanting to experience more of that formula for myself.

4. Frankenstein

3. Wake Up Dead Man

2. Sinners

1. One Battle After Another

 

2025 films on my list that I have yet to see that may very well knock some of the above out of their spots in the future- Marty Supreme, Wicked: For Good, Avatar: Fire and Ash, Ballerina, 28 Years Later, The Naked Gun, Caught Stealing, Roofman, Rental Family, The Long Walk, Is This Thing On?, The Running Man. Like I said... I still have a lot to get to.